Jon Stewart returns to late night for a fierce address to Trump

29 Juin, 2018, 17:05 | Auteur: Anatole Charbonneau

Jon Stewart, who lives in a subterranean compound directly under Stephen Colbert's Late Show desk, emerged on late-night television tonight to see whether or not he can get Donald Trump to scrape off that extra layer of "gleeful cruelty" now coating every aspect of his Presidency.

"Everything's off its axis", Stewart continued.

"If there's one hallmark to your presidency that I think we're finding the most hard, it's that, no matter what you do, it always comes with an extra layer of gleeful cruelty and dickishness", he said. "It's not just denying women who accuse you of sexual assault; it's saying they're too ugly anyway". "It's not even partisan".

"Boy, you fucked that up", said Stewart. "But I guess it wouldn't have felt right without a Dickensian level of villainy".

"You casually separated people seeking asylum from their children - from their babies", he added. Taking on the President's recent handling of an immigration crisis of his own making and the overarching "dickishness" of his first year and a half in office, his desk piece included a few negotiating tactics jokingly offering Trump things to placate the intensifying pettiness coming from the Oval Office.

"I know you're upset about all the criticism you've been taking in the "fake news" and the 'fake late-night shows.' It's just that we're all still having a little trouble adjusting to your presidency as it goes into its 500th year". "How about we give you a giant building with gold toilets and your name on it in giant letters?"

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"THAT's where he used to LIVE?"

So, Stewart offered Trump "a whole news network, and they'll spend 24 hours ever day praising everything you do".

"Named for a small ANIMAL?"

"How about we have a volcano destroy a large portion of the home state of your enemy Barack Obama?"

"It was on this point that Lincoln said the union could not bend", Stewart explained to Trump.


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